Think back to your life before marriage and kids. You know the stage where you had titles or you were trying to snag that cutie as your own. When we first get with someone, we do whatever we can to fulfill their needs and desires to keep them happy. Fast forward to getting married and starting a family together, and you will find that the couple stops using resources they previously used in the chase; and those resources along with that time and effort is placed somewhere else (changing shitty diapers, buying things for the kids etc). The relationship once thrived on the “high” of being in love. Although these new priorities are good things (hey who doesn’t love babies?!), it can be draining and less fulfilling when one or both spouses lose their sense of being prioritized. Less time will be spent together, small gestures will become infrequent, and the things you once enjoyed doing together or had in common become a distant memory. All of this can cause a divide. Even the happiest of couples at some point experience becoming emotionally distant and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, because it does happen and it is completely NORMAL. Now when you reach this point of your relationship, this is critical and needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.
It is pretty easy for most couples to get caught up in the demands of being parents, school, work and personal hobbies. These demands become your normal and eventually sooner or later, they stop coexisting with your relationship and you no longer make time for each other. Now this is usually by accident and due to lack of effort and motivation. Well your motivation should be keeping your marriage alive and trying to prevent a divorce from growing apart.
Kids are demanding as hell. I get it. I really do. I am a mama to 5 kids who are under the age of 8. My husband does not have the average Joe of work schedules so I value our time together. We have been together almost 10 years total and like everyone else we hit a stale period in our relationship. The problem was we had stopped dating. Yes we still had sexy time (that’s recreational activities); but we had stopped DATING each other. We had stopped the extra efforts, the small gestures and flirting. It wasn’t because we didn’t love each other anymore. It was because we were just fxcking tired.
Work schedules, pregnancy, family conflicts and life in general was causing a divide in our relationship. We had to really take a step back and look at what WE were doing wrong. We both missed going out on dates. Now with 5 kids, a random work schedule, and a lack of a solid babysitter, this can be challenging. Money isn’t usually the issue. Circumstance is. It’s a Monday and hubby is off work….who does shxt on a Monday night? Most people work Monday through Friday 9-5. Well my hubby works for 24-48 hours at a time for his shifts with the fire department and sometimes having an ENTIRE weekend or holidays off is not apart of our world. So we have to make due with what we have to work with.
This is where those critical thinking skills came in. We want to date, but have a shxtload of kids, no babysitter, a shxtty schedule, but funds to play with…DATE NIGHT IN!
Who says you need to always go out to go on a date? This isn’t a reality for a lot of people for varies reason and money could be a big factor and that’s okay. You don’t have to break the bank to enjoy each other’s company. Who says date night has to be a whole night? Date night can be just a few minutes, or hours put aside each week or month for you two to do something together that is special. I have found that we enjoy our “date night” more when we do simple things. Hell, even taking a shower together counts. The biggest factor is time and effort. Don’t worry I will be sharing with y’all some date night ideas that are fun, easy, and cost effective.
In the meantime….
Here are some of the perks of continuing to date your spouse
You learn how to have fun together
You learn even more about each other
You become very resourceful
You feel more committed
More sexy time
Remember gardens don’t grow on their own. You have to tend to them for them to continue to grow. This applies with marriage and relationships. If you stop taking care of your garden it will eventually die or someone else will come along and start taking care of it.